Tea Aficionado, Tiffin Mistress, and Adventuress
Darling! I am ever ever so delighted you have found your way to my little tea parlor. If we have had the misfortune not to have been introduced, please do allow me to introduce myself and welcome you! If I have already had the very great fortune of making your acquaintance, I am entirely thrilled that you have joined me here to learn perhaps a few little tidbits of my travels and exploits.
I am Madame Askew of the English Askews, not to be confused with our cousins the Kews. I am a mere 137 years old, and not a day over! When one consumes as much tea as I and travels through time via tea-powered portals for as many tea parties as I, one simply does not age at the same rate as those who eschew the myriad benefits of tea.
Though I spent some time amidst the noble crags and misty glens of Scotland at a certain young ladies' academy that specialized in the art of tea, I was, of course, reared as an gentle young lady of English origin. Any rumors of my preference for Scottish biscuits or gentlemen wearing that most comely of garments most certainly cannot be substantiated, and though my father married the most delicate creature from far, far Nothern England, she was certainly not from far far Southern Scotland. My grandmother, Lady Askew, was quite firm on this point.
I am well known in some circles for my penchant for hosting delightful tea parties at all hours and all centuries of the day even, dare I say, across the universe. I find the power of tea so thoroughly splendid that I have dedicated my life's work to sharing my own hard won lessons of the tea cup and the properly prepared tea pot to all who find their way to my tea table. Some few of you may have seen me presiding at the field of tea with my erstwhile companion, and most essential partner, The Grand Arbiter. With him, I can often be found dissuading gentle souls from some honor-bound feud by the vigorous application of tea and biscuits.
I do hope dearly to see you at one of my tea parties soon, whether it be merely to indulge in the most perfect of beverages, or to wend your way to the field of tea. If they Grand Arbiter does not grace you with some sign of his affection, well, I fear I may be compelled to do so myself.